musings of Mr Lokie

Days come, days go. Moments pass us by, leaving us all with vestiges of various experiences, of pleasant, of less than that. On a personal level, I have been blessed with plentiful a chance to bask in new experiences with the dawning of this New Year. Of what nature is the experience? I rather not disclose for now.

For fear of misrepresenting others, for fear of inflicting hurt on others, I would rather dwell in reticence and keep a neutral stance and narrate my tales. It would prove more impartial for you the reader to be perceptive and make something out of this writing as would, I blatantly state my sentiments.

Ever too often, people say that I have to be this, I have to be that. I try hard not to succumb to such senseless stereotypes, to such dubious demands, to such eccentric expectations but propounding my own brand of individuality and character seems too much of an impossibility. I, with great consternation somehow conceded defeat. I foolishly gave in to it all.

Now for the big question of what I have made out of myself? I say I have been left as nothing more than a tangled mess living a life of complete denial of the true core of my being. I secured myself an image of an overly zealous, mystifyingly enthusiastic, outrageously ridiculous radical. I revel in it for a brief moment until the harsh and merciless clutches of reality started creeping in. I tried and I failed to adjust to the new role. Miserably, I mean. I was left upset, disappointed and distraught.

Am I comfortable in this masquerade? I think not. As days roll by, as moments whizz past me, I am getting greater affirmation that it pays not to be that nice fella. You get stepped on. Infuriating? Well, not quite yet. You get exploited. You get taken advantaged of. Now that just got me mad. Like really mad. There never will be a chance of that happening had I remained the true me. I became a weakling and allowed such despicable acts befall on me. So whose fault would it be? Mine, needless to say.

At last, I have confronted and embraced the truth. I shall never relegate myself to a position so beneath me by taking on that exalted role of a purported naive educator who is unjustifiably underappreciated at best, unappreciated at worse.

To all who have contributed to my newly found self, I say, thank you. You have taught me 1 valuable lesson. It never pays to be kind. It never pays to be nice.

Watch out!